The Sickness Season

How many of you know someone who is sick right now? I would not be surprised at all if most of you do. As a teacher, I've had students call off of class due to illness. I've heard of kids at my daughter's school who have been sick lately. My niece is sick this week. It goes on and on. . . In fact, my family and I were very sick recently. It started the evening of the Bizzardastrophe. Kate was throwing up and having constant diarrhea for 4 days before she started to dehydrate. I had to stay up all night with her making sure she drank 8 oz of 1/2 Gatorade and 1/2 water every 4 hours before she finally started getting over the dehydration. And my reward? My husband and I proceeded to have the stomach flu for the next several days. UGH!

Isn't it interesting how sickness can make everything seem like it is falling apart? My house was a mess. I was missing work. Jeff was missing work. Kate was missing school. Nothing was getting done. It was like our life came to a total standstill until we could get well. In a life that doesn't stop long enough for us to catch our breath at times, sickness comes and gives us. . . TIME. Sometimes sickness makes us do what we normally won't do - STOP AND REST. I think it is entirely possible that God blesses us with a bout of this or that so we give ourselves permission to slow down.

It seems contradictory to view sickness as a blessing. I often write about how my chronic back pain has been a gift. But, what if we could give ourselves the gift of time and rest without getting sick? What if we decided to relax when we're healthy? Then, we wouldn't need sickness to make us relax, right? We could enjoy the present in a much more positive way. When we get well after being sick, it is amazing how we intensely appreciate the little things like getting to go outside, even being able to go to work. Maybe, we should appreciate these things in a similary manner when we are healthy. Just something to think about. . .

Forgetting the Pain

There are times when I'm blessed with the opportunity to forget the pain even if its only for a brief period. When I'm deep into my work, for example, I can really forget or at least lose the awareness that my tale bone is hurting. Its almost like I fall into a trance of deep focus and I can't even feel the pain. What usually happens is that I stand up after a long stretch of sitting in front of the computer and just like that, I can feel the pain again. But, the blessing of forgetfulness is not lost on me. I've learned that if I can get my mind off the pain and focused on something positive, I can get that kind of relief from the pain.

I've recently been blessed with new work. I'm working part time as an adjunct faculty member at Ivy Tech in Valparaiso teaching an Intro to Sociology course. I'm also working 3 days a week for Legacy Environmental Services at the Purdue Technology Center in Crown Point. And I continue to be part of the Leadership Northwest Indiana program. All of these areas of my work are meaningful and rewarding to me. I no longer have many of the previous work stresses that drained me. I wouldn't say that my back pain has gotten better as a result of my new work situation, but it certainly hasn't gotten worse.

I'm enjoying my work life for the first time in a while. I've always had a rewarding family life, but I haven't always been blessed with rewarding work. Meaningful work and a positive work environment can make all the difference in your life. Ask someone who has a miserable job? They'll tell you the difference it makes! My new work environments and activities have helped me to focus on the present and let go of the pain even if its only for a little while.

Many of our biggest blessings come and go quickly. That is why it is so important to enjoy your blessings while you have them. They're not promised to you forever and you will miss them when they are gone. I can't begin to tell you how much I miss taking for granted living without pain. [Note: The picture with this post is one of those moments that come and go so quickly - my 4 year old beauty running on the beach!]

I HATE MORNINGS

I can barely remember a time now when I didn't dread mornings. Its my absolute worst time of day. I'm reeling from the pain as I wake up and if I wake up earlier than I need to, the pain is so bad that there is no going back to sleep until my alarm goes off. The luxury of sleeping in on the weekends rarely happens for me now. It takes me a good 45 minutes or longer to feel human again like I can face the day. There are days when its not like this, but they are few and far between. Its like waking up sick every day.

I used to love waking up in the morning. I would quickly get over the initial disappointment of the alarm clock going off and start thinking about my day. I'm a person who loves to contemplate all that my day has to offer. I enjoy the little things in life a lot. I HATE that my back pain has changed my feelings about something as precious as waking up in the morning. I miss being pain free for many reasons, but this particular loss stands out for me.

Even though the pain continues, I have totally lost interest in seeking further help. I roll my eyes at the notion of trying anything else. Those first 2 years plus of trying so many different treatments has worn me out. I don't have it in me to try to get rid of the pain anymore. Acceptance just seems more doable and sadly, more realistic. My only hope is that it is not God's will for me to live the rest of my life like this. But, if it is, I'm still a truly blessed person. The abundance of blessings in my life will sustain me whether I hate getting up in the morning or not.

Want to Make God Laugh?

It is often said that if you want to make God laugh, make plans. That isn't to say you can't and shouldn't make plans. The point is not to get so attached to those plans that you're devastated when they don't come to fruition. My plans today were to spend the morning with Jeff since we both had today off for the holiday and spend the afternoon when Kate got out of school enjoying some family time. Unfortunately, we found out that our new kitten, Simba, needed immediate medical care for a continuing eye infection. He may need to have an eye removed. So Jeff is currently in Cicero taking our Simba to see an opthamologist for animals. I didn't even know there was such a profession!

In the larger scheme of things, we make bigger plans than how to spend a day off from work. We make plans for our careers, homes, vacations, kids, and more. If you're like me, you do get a little attached to your plans. You do invest a lot of time and energy into making the things you want in life happen. There's nothing wrong with that as long as you fit in room for God to do what he needs to do in your life. Its important to say 'yes, this is my plan, but I only want it to happen if it is God's will'. I want to live under God's umbrella and that cannot happen if I don't make room for what God wants to do through me, if I don't spend time praying and reflecting on God's words. You'll miss an abundance of blessings if God isn't part of your plans.

Living with chronic pain was not part of my plan for my life. But as I've written many times, it is obviously part of God's plan for my life and it has been a source of blessings in numerous ways previously noted. Its not something I planned for and it definitely isn't what I would have chosen. But, I trust that God is using the pain to get me to where I need to be. It is part of his perfect plan for my life and by embracing it, I show my faith in His plan. I believe in His plan for my life because I know He is working through me for a greater good. Do you believe in God's plan for your life? How do you make room for God in your plans? Think about it. . . and please say a little prayer for our Simba.

Its a New Day

I started my new part time job at Legacy Environmental Services on Monday. My first couple of days there went great. I start teaching at Ivy Tech tonight. Its a very busy time in my life, but God has been taking VERY good care of me. I can sense that its a new day, a new life for me.

Jeff's tale bone has been hurting a lot since he fell down the basement stairs on Friday. Yet, he still refuses to see a doctor - MEN! It hurts him most when he sits for long stretches. Its so similar to my pain, its frightening. He had to stand up during a meeting on Monday. The drive to and from South Bend for work makes his pain worse. I feel so incredibly bad for him. My hope and prayers are that this is an acute pain situation that goes away in the coming days/weeks.

If you let yourself, you can start to feel frightened of life. You can forget that there is a loving God intimately concerned about and involved in your life. He doesn't let bad things happen to you. Bad things just happen. Its our response to these challenges that demonstrate our faith or weaknesses in our faith. In all honesty, I often forget that God is taking care of me and those I love. I have this tendency to let my mind have thought attacks fearing the worst. I've fought this weakness in my faith my entire life. When bad things happen to good people, we fight like hell to stay in faith, but it can be very difficult.

God is leading me to where He/She knows I need to be. I believe that with all my heart. There are no coincidences. Everything that happens is within God's plan for our lives. Why is Jeff hurting? Its not because God doesn't love him anymore than my pain means God doesn't care about me. God is giving Jeff & I the opportunity to learn, to get stronger and to grow in faith. Pain can be a God given gift. . . if you choose to see it that way.

What a Good Scare Can Do

It has been an incredibly BLECH couple of weeks. The week after Christmas Kate had a major asthma flare up and was coughing herself sick. On New Year's Eve, I got the stomach flu and was sick for almost a whole week. And on Friday, Jeff fell down the basement stairs. I was literally sitting down and doing some reading for my Leadership Northwest Indiana course and thinking "Wow! Maybe, things are going to calm down now. I'm feeling better. Kate's feeling better." And then I heard Jeff falling down the stairs and screaming.

I can't tell you how I got from the chair and down the stairs to him so quickly. The adrenalin must have kicked in big time. I've never heard Jeff scream like that. . . ever! He fell from the top step and landed on his tale bone at the bottom of the stairs. Oh, the irony! He hurt his tale bone, the greatest source of my chronic pain. I couldn't believe it. I laid with him on the floor wanting to suck the pain out of him. I wanted to trade places with him. I'm used to being the one in pain and Jeff being my strong, healthy rock. I realized in those early minutes just how much I love Jeff and want to protect him from anything that hurts him.

Fortunately, Jeff seems to be suffering from a bruised tale bone, no broken bones, etc. Not that he went to the doctor to get checked out - nope, he is way too stubborn for that. He's hurting though. It hurts mostly when he sits. Boy, do I know how that feels! The most interesting thing for me is that because of the past three years of pain, I have such deep compassion for people who are in pain, even for people I don't know. It is a compassion I would not have to this degree if I hadn't experienced chronic pain. I guess you could say its a gift I'll always be able to give the people around me.

A good scare like what happened to Jeff makes me realize how fragile the people around us really are - they are loaned to us for such a brief time. I'll try hard not to forget this! That's what a good scare can do - ground us in the reality that life is short. Love the people around you with all your heart. Take good care of them and take good care of yourself!

Every Day Can't Be a Cozy Day at Home

I didn't write last week because I made a commitment to myself that my focus was going to be totally on my 6 year old and our new family member, our kitten Simba. It was a TOTALLY relaxing week! Kate and I stayed in our PJs a lot. We played with our new kitten a lot. We enjoyed our Christmas gifts without leaving the couch. . you guessed it - a lot. But, by the end of the week - the stress starting breaking into our cozy little world. Christmas day was VERY high energy and that can be exhausting in and of itself. The day after Christmas can be a little depressing and for me, it also meant thinking about returning to work the next day - YUCK!

That being said, I started this week doing well. I still had that glow of a woman whose been given the opportunity to relax and spend the holidays at home. Then, after I got out of bed (LOL), my day really got started with a sick kid and a needy cat. I had to schedule a doctor appointment for my asthma stricken kid and make sure it fit in between my work appointments. I had to make sure the kitten had everything it needed before I tucked him away for the day. I had 10,000 emails to answer when I arrived at work. Where did that holidays at home, calm Melissa go? My sense of zen was quickly falling apart.

My back pain was improving (definitely not getting worse) before the stress of this week. But, I can't spend my life huddled at home stress free. I MUST learn to handle the stress. I need to focus on being balanced. My quality of life depends on it. When I don't manage my stress, the pain is worse. I learn this over and over again.

What is the key to managing stress well? Answer: I don't know. I do know that I need to work on my response to the everyday challenges of life. I need to keep perspective. I need God. . . and I've been forgetting God lately. I've been disengaged with my spiritual life and my body can tell. Time to pray. Time to deal with my stress in better ways because every day can't be a cozy day at home.