Where Did This Story Begin?

Where did this all begin? If you've been reading my posts and don't know my story, you may be wondering how my pain started. On a cold January morning in 2008, I woke up with lower back pain. It was like a nails on a chalk board ache. I figured I had a urinary tract infection (UTI) so my doctor treated me for that, but by the time I finished my medicine I received a phone call from my doctor that it was NOT a UTI. The pain continued to get worse and worse. After my doctor ordered an MRI, he discovered that I had a bulging herniated disc. I now understand that many people over 30 have disc issues, but they don't always experience pain from it. My doctor put me on oral steroids and sent me to physical therapy. After trying several different treatments, the summer of 2009 began with me being hospitalized. The pain was so intense I could barely stand. It was during this hospitalization that my doctors determined that I had an inflamed sacroiliac joint. That's your tale bone. And I've been in pain ever since.

From doing a lot of reading and discussing my condition with my doctors, it seems clear that what began as acute pain has turned into a chronic pain condition. This means that my sacroiliac joint might be healed by now, but the pain has continued anyway. What I've moved into is a neurological condition. In other words, the pain just won't go away and no one knows why. The last time I spoke to my doctor earlier this month, he began pushing me to move toward acceptance. To some extent, that has made things less miserable for me. It was exhausting always chasing that magic bullet that would lead to pain relief. That is not to say that I'm not sad about my situation. I am. I'm just not fighting it anymore. I may take up that fight again at some point in the future, but for now I'm coming to more of a peace with the pain.

How did I get to where I am today? It began on a day like any other. I recently read a quote in a book that your life can change forever based on what can happen in a single day. That is most definitely what happened to me. The fight to become pain free became a salient part of my identity. I refused to give into this thing. I HATED it like an enemy. It saddened me like a painful relationship. And now that I've stopped fighting it, I realize how much energy it was taking to refuse to accept my situation. Things may get better. They may not, but I now refuse to remain in a constant state of fight. It is just too exhausting and the return on investment is poor.