Do you remember the scene in Poltergeist when the irresistibly cute little girl stands in front of the TV saying "They'rrrrrrrrre Herrrrrrrre!" I sure do. The clown scene alone from that movie forever changed my opinion on clowns! That's sort of what it feels like when my back pain has been manageable for a while and all of a sudden the pain worsens BIG TIME! That happened to me over the weekend. It might be because I was fighting off a virus. It might be because I was getting in all sorts of weird positions and doing more lifting than usual as I decorated my house for Christmas and wrapped a bunch of Christmas presents. It might be because instead of resting yesterday, I decided to do a 3 mile hike in the woods. It might be because I'm really stressed out about my work situation. For whatever reason, I had burning pain by this morning and the general ache in my tail bone area was more of a nails on a chalk board pain. Yep, its back!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big sigh and an UGH!!!
Just when I start to think, I've got this covered and can handle it, I'm slowed down again. My body fails me again. Every other 34 year old woman can do what I did over the weekend and face the same challenges without life changing pain. As much as I try not to get down, I do sometimes feel messed with by this whole chronic pain crap! I told my husband the other day that as of this January, I will have been dealing with back pain for 3 years. MY GOD! 3 years of my life in pain - that's almost 1,100 days trying to figure out what I can do to live pain free again. That's over 1,000 days of figuring out how to manage my life in pain. What will it take to get over this hurdle? Will I ever be pain free again? Will it eventually get worse and stay worse? These questions haunt me and keep me up at night sometimes.
Finding meaning in your pain is easier to do when the pain is managed and you can look back and gain perspective. It is soooo much more difficult to have perspective when you're sitting on a cushion as you work because you're in that much pain. But, you gotta laugh, right? The alternative is crying and I've never been big on crying. So what could make me laugh right now? Hmmmmmmmm. . . I recently almost ate a piece of soap that I thought was a granola bar while visiting an expo booth for Au Naturel Market. I literally put it in my mouth and EWWWWWWWWWWWWW! Taking yourself too seriously never helps any challenge. So, now I'm going to try to laugh because I'll be damned if I'm going to cry.
No comments:
Post a Comment