It has been amazing how little I've thought about my back lately. It used to be the first thing I thought about when I woke up in the morning, the last thing I thought about as I went to sleep at night and heavily dispersed thoughts about it throughout each and every day. It was a major topic of discussion. It was THE MAJOR FOCUS of my life and my energy. I was so hurt and upset when my doctor told me to move toward accepting my chronic pain. I felt like I had been slapped in the face, but acceptance has turned out to be the biggest pain reliever I've tried. My back just isn't hurting as much. Or it is hurting the same and just not getting my attention the way it did before I starting letting go of finding the magical cure to end my pain.
Another thing that has helped a lot is keeping myself busy and focused on helping others. As I wrote last week, I recently signed up to do the Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk for the Cure in Chicago this summer. My Operation Christmas Child project with my good friend, Stephanie, is drawing to a close this week. It looks like we'll be able to donate over 100 Christmas boxes for children around the world. My daughter and I are going to help pack Thanksgiving baskets for local families in need in a couple of weeks. When I'm focused on projects like these, the pain just gets better. When I was primarily focused on various treatments and the mental torture of figuring out what would cure me, the pain was getting the better of me.
Maybe, the point of the pain is to help me become the person I really am or am meant to become. Maybe, I wasn't living the life I was meant to live. I wasn't taking enough risks, being too selfish with my time, talents and treasures. Trying to find meaning in your pain is the trick, but once you've found that meaning - your pain becomes a gift. Don't get me wrong. I still have pain. I still need to wear those damn Ben Gay patches (LOL). I'm just not letting the pain get the best of me lately and I feel the best I've felt in a LONG TIME.
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