How Did I Get Here?

During my morning prayers, I had a haunting thought. How did I get here? Here being a person who has chronic pain. Before this all got started, I could exercise, work, do anything within reason without pain and I didn't appreciate it. I didn't take care of my body the way I should have. I didn't exercise on a regular basis. I didn't always put good foods in my body. I didn't realize how dependant I am on my body for my happiness.

I've been thinking about this whole letting go, accepting my situation versus continuing the good fight. I'm trying to give myself some time to divorce myself from the situation, but it isn't going so well. I'm still thinking about it all the time. Work seems to be my only refuge. Focusing on my work is what gives me at least 8-10 hours day to escape my chronic pain dilemma, NOT the pain, but the worry about what to do about the pain.

I started Leadership Northwest Indiana (LNI) last week. It is a regional leadership program for local community leaders. Besides my wonderful family & friends, its this one bright shining light amongst the darkness that my pain causes. The whole program centers around the hope for a better community, a better tomorrow. And it forces me to think outside myself, outside my problems. Sometimes the only way to escape your problems is to focus on those around you who need you to rise up above your "stuff" and be some one's miracle while you wait on your miracle.