Can't Stop Believing

It seems like just when I'm ready to accept what is in terms of my back, I get a little spark of hope. The part of me that doesn't want to get hurt again is irritated with the part of me that wants to believe the pain might go away. I was at the hair salon this morning and a friend from church told me a story about someone who was in a similar situation (i.e. tale bone pain) and it ended up to be a thyroid issue. Once that issue was taken care of, the tale bone pain was gone within a month. Ding, ding, ding, ding went the alarm in my head. Hope! Maybe, that's it! "Oh, but Melissa - don't get too excited," says that part of me that doesn't want to be disappointed yet again.

What is it about hope that makes you feel like you can conquer the world, overcome any obstacle? I LOVE that feeling! I think hope is like God whispering in your ear "Believe me! I've got great and wonderful things in store for you, little girl!" And I think He uses the wonderful people in my life to put little pieces of hope into my world. So even if the ideas people generously give me don't turn into the answer I'm looking for, I'm grateful for the smile that those ideas put on my face and the hope that fills my heart in the moment I have something new to look into that might take away the pain.

I wish the hopeful side of me would always win, but it doesn't. Sometimes I want to say, "Melissa, you idiot! This is your life; accept it. Don't get hopeful! You'll just get hurt again." I need to learn to tell this voice, in a nice way of course, "Shut the hell up! If hope is all I have, then don't take that away from me too! God told me He has great things in store for me and I CHOOSE to believe him. . . on a good day."